AKSARA BERBARIS

Among the many things that happened during my time in the Netherlands, there is one kind person I wish to remember in the quietest way I know: by writing about him. He did not stay for long, nor did our story unfold into something lasting. But for a short while, his presence made my days feel lighter. So before I return to Indonesia, I want to keep him here, on this page. A letter to you.  I did not know you for long. I was not with you for long either. Only a matter of months passed with you beside me. We did not speak that much. There were no daily messages, no nightly phone calls. We met at a steady rhythm: once every two weeks. Even our conversations followed a certain regularity: we checked in on each other every two days. At first, I was quite confused by that rhythm. But you were one of the most extraordinarily unique people I have ever known in my life. I told you, didn’t I, that you were unique? Although you once got upset, thinking that I used the word unique as another ...

  Tidak pernah terbayang olehku bahwa, di penghujung waktuku di Belanda, aku justru harus mengalami salah satu peristiwa paling berat dan mengejutkan dalam hidupku. Lebih sulit lagi, aku harus menghadapinya di negara yang jauh dari rumah, sendirian, dengan segala hal yang terasa berbeda. Aku handal dalam menyelesaikan masalah. Untuk peristiwa ini, awalnya akupun kekeh menyelesaikan dengan caraku sendiri. Aku perencana yang baik. Aku merencanakan serangkaian healing plan yang pada saat itu aku yakini bisa membantuku sembuh. Namun, pada akhirnya aku menyerah. Aku sadar jika ini bukan peristiwa yang bisa aku selesaikan sendiri. Dalam titik ini, aku merasa sendirian dan kesepian.  Aku selama ini cukup bangga karena aku terbiasa melakukan apapun sendirian. Aku terbiasa pergi sendirian, aku terbiasa hidup dengan diriku sendiri berhari-hari, aku terbiasa tinggal sendiri jauh dari rumah dan aku terbiasa mengambil keputusan-keputusan besar dalam hidup sendirian.  Tapi nyatanya, t...

Happy birthday to the baby, toddler, teenager, and every version of Ifa. Thank you to little Ifa, who had to learn to be strong earlier than she should have. To little Ifa, who was often confused, afraid, or felt she had to understand the adult world too soon. You did not always know what was happening, but you kept growing. Thank you to teenage Ifa, who was once fragile, insecure, angry, disappointed, and felt not good enough. For all the nights when you questioned yourself. For all the phases when you wanted to be understood, but instead had to learn how to save yourself. Thank you to adult Ifa, who has gone through loss, fear, academic pressure, loneliness in a foreign country, failures that felt personal, and days when life felt too heavy. Thank you for still choosing to keep going, even when no one truly knew how difficult the road was for you. This year, I have learned to be more grateful. Grateful for the things I managed to overcome, for the good people who came into ...

The most important thing I learned in 2025 was simple but hard to do: don’t force things, let go, and forgive yourself. Ever since I was young, I’ve believed in hard work. I always thought that if we really try, almost nothing is impossible. With enough effort and dedication, we should get what we want. This belief has shaped how I’ve lived for many years. But in 2025, I started to see things differently. Not every big effort gives us the results we hope for. Sometimes, trying to force things just brings more loss and regret. I realized that life isn’t just about working harder. It’s also about knowing when to keep going and when to let go. Near the end of 2025, I learned what it really means to let go. I had never been robbed while living in Indonesia, but it happened to me in the Netherlands. My new phone was stolen, and with it, I lost important thesis data that hadn’t been backed up to iCloud. What did it feel like? A mix of shock, sadness, and surrender. At one point, I even found...

Seorang teman menyarankan untuk kembali menulis di platform ini. Platform yang identik dengan Ifa dan berhasil branding dengan url-nya yang unik. Here, I am : Geographer and a spatial analyst who loves writing and traveling very much.  Kembali ke rumah ini, dan menemukan draft ini di arsip almari yang berdebu. Judulnya adalah Level Up Your Life in 2020, kosong. Mungkin saat itu aku sedang bersemangat menata hidup sebagai anak rantau pemula. Waktu bergulir tanpa menamatkan episodenya di tahun 2020. Menjelang 2023 aku mulai melanjutkan draft ini. Namun, ternyata hingga pertengahan 2025 draft ini belum juga publish. So, this is my early birthday gift, refleksiku terhadap apa yang ku alami di usia kepala tigaku.  Tahun 2023, adalah titik balik dari kejenuhan hidupku dan ditahun tersebut aku memulai memiliki target yang spesifik.  Spesifik dan aku berani menuliskannya di salah satu platform media sosialku yang rahasia. Sungguh dua prestasi besar, berani berangan dan berani...