Keeping you alive in my pages.

Among the many things that happened during my time in the Netherlands, there is one kind person I wish to remember in the quietest way I know: by writing about him. He did not stay for long, nor did our story unfold into something lasting. But for a short while, his presence made my days feel lighter. So before I return to Indonesia, I want to keep him here, on this page.

Thank you.

I did not know you for long.

I was not with you for long either.

Only a matter of months passed with you beside me. We did not speak that much. There were no daily messages, no nightly phone calls. We met at a steady rhythm: once every two weeks. Even our conversations followed a certain regularity: checking on each other every two days.

At first, I was quite confused by that rhythm. But you were one of the most extraordinarily unique people I have ever known in my life. I told you, didn’t I, that you were unique? Although you once got upset, thinking that I used the word unique as another way of saying strange or boring.

But that was not what I meant at all.

You, with a life that revolved around yourself. Books, video games, work, and sports. I liked seeing you at your gaming desk while I read my thesis from the chair in the corner of your room. That was the last time we met. Had I known it would be the last, perhaps I would have looked at you from the side a little longer, just to stretch my memory of you.

I could not understand your thick books. Perhaps that was something you questioned about me. We shared similar hobbies, but in different forms. What you read never made it onto my reading list. In the same way, my reading list was probably unfamiliar to you.

And yet, with you, I came to realise that I was worthy.

You believed that our time together should be filled with things we both enjoyed. Although, in the end, you were the one who gave up first, I still appreciate that. You did not treat me as someone who was there only to satisfy your pleasure.

I want to thank you for filling my short time in the Netherlands with joy. The hills we climbed, the forests we walked through, the films we watched, the pizza we made. The conversations about ghosts, and all the other small things that made me grateful to have known you.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thesis. My thesis received a grade I am deeply proud of. Pieter gave it an outstanding mark. At first, I thought you would be there when I gave my presentation. I thought you would be the first person I would hug after I finished my oral defence. But by then, we had already ended.

After we were no longer together, many things happened in my life. One of them made me consider going back to Indonesia earlier, even though you knew how much I wanted to stay longer in the Netherlands.

Thank you, because before that trauma changed the ending of my time in the Netherlands, you had already been there, leaving behind a good impression.

And happy birthday, a few days late. I hope your days are always kind to you. I hope you are always given health and happiness.

I am sorry if being with me did not make you happy.

I am sorry if my life was boring.

I am sorry that you were with me at a time when I was at the peak of my thesis stress and facing the call to return to my country.

Aku mohon pamit