Pulang ke Indonesia, tidak se-sedih itu.

Yesterday was exactly one week after I arrived in Indonesia. Several days before my flight, I was full of anxiety. I was afraid that I would experience a “re-culture shock,” or maybe that I would romanticize the Netherlands too much. But honestly, I am totally fine (though a little overwhelmed by having to meet people so often).

Of course, some routines have changed. I no longer walk everywhere, cook every day, or spend most of my time by myself. Suddenly, there are people everywhere, plans almost every day, and a lot of conversations to catch up on. I think this is probably the part I need to readjust to the most.

But surprisingly, I don’t feel like I left a big part of myself in the Netherlands. I still miss certain things—the quietness, the independence, being able to disappear for a while without anyone asking where I am. But I also enjoy being here. I enjoy the food, being around familiar people, and speaking Indonesian all day. 

Maybe I was worried for nothing. Or maybe two years away was enough to teach me that home doesn’t have to feel exactly the same anymore.

I am not the same Ifa who left Indonesia two years ago, and I don’t think I need to become that person again. I can keep the parts of me that grew in the Netherlands and still make space for the life I have here.

For now, I think I’m doing okay. Still adjusting, still figuring things out, but okay.

And honestly, that’s enough.